Dreamers.

Everyone knows I'm a little hot for the French actress Eva Green. Ok, a lot hot. haha. Ever since watching 'Casino Royale' for the first time, I couldn't forget her. Sure, Daniel Craig has amazing eyes and a nice bod, but he can't compare with the slender hourglass and sideways glance that is Ms. Green. In any case, since seeing this film, I've decided I shall venture to her earlier work. She's relatively new, so she doesn't have much out there, but I decided at least I should see her debut film, which is 'Dreamers'. I couldn't really tell what it was about from the synopsis on IMDB, and it slipped my mind for months. The other day, however, it swiftly returned as I lurked DVDs at Borders. There, for $10, was a copy of 'Dreamers'. I bought it, of course. We know I'm quite impulsive when it comes to things like this. Then I came home.

On the way home I realized it was NC-17. HA! I just bought a softcore porno starring Eva Green! Tonight I finally decided to watch it [by myself, of course. There's nothing more awkward than experiencing nudity with someone else]. I could have really hated this movie -- the 'main' character Matthew was altogether annoying and poorly developed, the ending gave no sense of solution, and most of the dialogue was wanting. I didn't hate it, though. You could probably chalk it up to seeing Eva Green naked [hahaha], but though she's very attractive sans clothes, thats not what did it for me. Her performance, especially in regards to the relationship between Isabelle [Green] and Theo [Louis Garrel] astounded me. I believed, understood, and was confused about it all at the same time. It made me wish that I was a part of it -- that somehow I was snuck into the middle of their taboo love, much like Matthew [Michael Pitt]. The scene in which she breaks down, neurotically and desperately banging at Theo's door, is so powerful that even I was jealous of his affairs.

I'm not sure which Eva is more attractive to me -- the two-timing, witty bitch that was Vesper Lynd, or the sadistic, youthful, insatiable lover that was Isabelle.

It seems as though watching dramas only creates a pseudo-emptiness inside of me. Where is my other half? Where is that person who completely understands me, who wants nothing more than to be close to me? Where is my passionate lover, or the eyes that I dream of waking up to? Who could be my Isabelle, my Vesper? -- who's naked body will be pressed against mine while I sleep? Who's sideways glance and nonchalance will make my heart beat?

For someone who doesn't believe in love, I sure think about it a lot. Everyone has this tendancy to over-romanticize. For what purpose? Delusions of happy marriages, eternal love, family togetherness? Am I jealous of this idealism? Live a proper life, blah blah blah. I feel like this is all I ever bitch about -- not true, but its a recurring topic. Perhaps I really do believe in love, but that its rare and fleeting. Perhaps I know I'm searching in vain, but who knows? Maybe my heart will get taken down by this fictional foe someday -- maybe this obscure object will materialize, and I can experience everything the movies, books, and TV tell me I'm missing out on.