12.27.2009

first installment in an experiment. [octopus project]

so. forget it all. this is the time when i tell all things. trying to lure that sense of me to sleep... the inhibition, that is. trying to make it feel safe, and drop its pants, so to speak. will this make sense when i awaken? or will it be jibberish. hard to know at this point. all systems shutting down.... hope this makes some statements.

sinking. i see lights on the ground, but for what purpose... seems the red and orange decided to play with the blue. pretty lost in the air... pretty breathless, and there's a smile there. a huge smile with warmth and explosives. in the chest! explosives taking my heart with them taking my brain. it feels some sort of depth and darkness, a rumbling in my entire lower body, that i cannot control, i am going around again! perhaps i feel the subsiding. i'm dropping. dropping. sinking... i'm disturbed i think so darkly of myself. i am sorry for the sadness i cause myself. that made a lift. made a tension on me as well, i'm feeling a bit crushed. thank god it stopped... will the chimes bring coolness? piano. my brother played that. well, both. and well. sunday mornings. jealousy. arrogance. eh. but this song seems softer and happier. too happy to pretend to be any other thing. so. a story.

there was a moment where i felt clever. there was a moment when i thought i did nothing wrong. it wasn't this moment, though, as i stood with orange/yellow glow enveloping me and my purpose for being. at that moment. this moment. unfortunately, i cannot see this moment. i am unsure what has overcome me... friend? something else? not sure, but its difficult to breathe again. i feel sick. so fucking sick... going to puke. got to wake up falling cylindrically, i opened my eyes, once. and it felt better, but could not wake myself, wake anything, my feet move, my hands move, nothing else.

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