i hate it when my mind speaks nonsense to me. i want to fall victim to it most of the time, but i can't because i know what that means. i sink into the paranoia that i so lovingly yet disgustedly talk about as one of my best friends. its true -- it knows me. it knows what i will believe.
right now i'm having to feed myself truths to counteract this fiend. i shouldn't be worried, backhanded, or standoffish right now. i need my patience to work with me. the only complication that is allowing for this feeling to arise is that the explanation won't come til later. i have to wait for validation [fuckkk you, people i care about].
i can't even tell what to think about it anyway. shouldn't i feel relieved that i'm not trapped? i don't really have enough information to feel anything, so my mind is going all over the place.
i can't help but feel a little bit like i worded my query incorrectly. it could've been smoother, yes, but that probably wouldn't have changed the hesitant tone of the response. why am i letting this bother me? uhsoijdf.
i didn't really want to define anything... or attach a label. just wanted some clarification.
patience, patience.
there is mutual interest.
and she is worth the wait.
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