Where there was once a woman, there is no longer.

Every time I listen to Coldplay, I get so severely nostalgic. I miss those years that I spent by myself. I was free -- free from everything in the world. People were unnecessary, except for soccer playing purposes. Romance was simply an option that I didn't feel obligated to explore. I enveloped myself in my music, my guitar, and my very apparent need to think.

I know what triggered this, and it saddens me that something so drastic had to happen in order for me to go into seclusion. Whats the deeper meaning? Did I not want to end up like her? She was so blind -- so desperate for love. How could she not see? I guess if I were in my forties, single, and had mormonism drilled into my head [make babies, you fucking machine!] I would probably be desperate for companionship as well. Were those months worth it? The months in which you were hoping commitment would follow, but it hid slyly just out of view? I would like to think that once you were happy, and it makes me sad to believe that you just weren't. I sort of miss you telling me that you'd be at my wedding one day -- you'd be surprised at what I've become. Would I be different if you were still here?

For now I will forget you. I'll forget about the crazy Korean neighbor, PM, Shelby and Tess, Sasha, and sapporo ichiban. I'll forget about Beaver Lumber, the trident gum in Paul's desk, Bob Shatzky, and the way you did your hair. I won't think about the punching bag in your garage or walking your dogs after dark. I won't think about the phone call at 2AM from the Medara Sheriff's Dept. I'll forget the way you looked in your casket, and how I was so upset that I couldn't muster a single tear.

I've already forgiven you. And him. I'm not sure which of you did it... but you're both exonerated.

out. out of my head.
and. we're good.